Dear Annabelle,

I've been seeing an old flame for about the past two years.

He was married at the time and is now going through a difficult divorce (with 2 children involved.)

I'm very understanding of his situation, but the way things have played out have made him numb in the emotional department.

I know he's afraid of being hurt and I know he loves me.

I'm afraid she's gonna make him so afraid to be hurt that he'll never be able to give his heart to me completely.

I've been very supportive and I want to know what I should do to make him feel secure and make him understand that the hurt he's feeling now will pass with time.

Also, I feel like maybe she's driving him over the edge. He had a brief problem during his marriage with cocaine and now he's occasionally reverting to his old habits on the weekends.

He knows he shouldn't, but he has what I guess you'd call ‘an addictive personality’.

How can I help him save his sanity and get through all this?

I've been very patient and I don't know what else to do. I just feel like he's running away from me, maybe because he's afraid to love again.

Is this possible? Please help me!!! I feel so lost and I can't bear to lose this love we have.

Sincerely,

Melissa, 20

Dear Melissa.....

Because this answer is REALLY important, I’m going to keep it REALLY short.

If you get involved with this person, you are not caring about yourself.

He has already chosen a mistress. *It’s not you*... it’s cocaine.

There is *N-O-T-H-I-N-G* that you can do to change this..... and *you will lose yourself if you try*.

Go to a Narc Anon meeting. Listen to the others cry out their hearts, .....saying exactly what you have just told me.

And, for what it's worth... NEVER have ANYTHING to do with any male who's 'afraid of being hurt'. That's not only a feminine line it's the mark of a male who can't make it in Life. Life isn't for sissies... nor for those who self medicate and don't/won't put the best interests of their children before themselves.

Annabelle