Keys to Effective Communication
One of the most difficult aspects of my job is watching relationship and marriage problems worsen simply because of a lack of effective communication. For all of the apparent "education" of the modern world, one of the areas in which people often need help is in knowing how to effectively communicate with each other.
People who are involved in romantic relationships would improve their interpersonal communication exponentially by simply remembering a few simple propositions:
1) When you rely on the other person's ability to read between the lines to effectively communicate, you introduce subjectivity into the communication process. Subjectivity is necessarily going to sometimes mean that the other person comes to a different conclusion than you had hoped. Don't depend on another to *catch* your meaning - effective communication is the process by which we make it impossible for our meaning to be missed by another! Spell it out. Repeat it. Use illustrations. Suggest concrete steps to take. But don't hint at what you are trying to say - say it!
2) Remember that men and women use language differently. Women often use words as a means of establishing intimacy. This confuses men, because language to men has to contain propositional truths or problems to solve. Men need to listen closely to women to try and determine whether they are discussing a problem that needs solving or merely trying to establish verbal intimacy. But women need to help men understand what their purpose is - and there is no way to more certainly make your purpose known than to say, "I just need to talk because it makes me feel closer to you" or, conversely, "I have a problem that I would appreciate it if you could help me to solve."
3) Use complete sentences. It is amazing the number of couples that I have counseled in my life who look at each other, speak in incomplete sentences, and then, with frustration building, shout, "You know?!?!?!" Well, no, they don't know. And they won't know unless you tell them. Speaking in complete sentences, though it may sound like pedantic advice, requires you to go through the mental discipline of organizing your thoughts which results in better communication to begin with. But it also ensures that the other person has the opportunity to understand - linearly and logically - the information that will allow him or her to catch your meaning.
4) Listen. Proverbs 18:13 says, "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame to him." While active listening - repeating what has been said or offering to complete a sentence when someone is at a loss for words - is good, interrupting is not.
5) Be truthful, but gentle. The Bible says in Colossians 4:6, "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye might know how ye ought to answer every man." And Ephesians 4:15 says that we must always speak the truth to each other - even if the truth is difficult - but that we do it in love.
Genuine love is built upon effective communication. So when we improve our ability to communicate with the opposite sex, we exponentially increase our ability to have a permanent and successful love relationship.