Getting Back To A Love Affair With Yourself

Turning Over A New Leaf (Tea or Otherwise)

2007-10-11T18:10:00Z

Hi all

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I have actually not been taking my own advice very well and became quite ill. One of the reasons I talk so much about self care is because I see the damage that not taking care of myself has done to my body in just a short time. I hope that perhaps something I say or post can make a difference in someone's life. Even as I type this I am drinking Green Tea with so many antioxidants in it that I can't count them all. I am in effect turning over a new leaf this fall...no pun intended really. I suffer from numerous upper respiratory illnesses as well as chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and this time of year in the Pacific Northwest as I get older just seems to get worse year by year. What is frightening is that I am only 41 and some days can barely get out of bed. So I am turning over every leaf and berry I can find that might help me get better physically as cold and flu season isn't even really here yet.

Don't get me wrong the negative effects on my health didn't just come on overnight. No they are here now because I insisted on burning my candle at both ends and in the middle for the last ten years with little rest, poor nutrition and continuing the bad habit of smoking. Some days I am glad that my body shut me down when it did so that I would begin taking care of it and other days I just hope and pray I get well.

Perhaps there is someone reading this today who knows what I am talking about. You are tired, worn out, sick, depressed and fatigued. You go through the motions but there is no joy. Maybe you get tired often or have gained excess weight or there are aches and pains more days than not. If so don't be discouraged. There is hope and help regardless of the damage you have done to yourself. It is imperative that you start today though...in some way big or small to reverse the effects...sleep an extra hour, smoke 1 less cigarette, don't eat that extra piece of cake or go home after 8 hrs of work. We only have one body and one life...Let's all learn to take care of it and love it and it will take care of us hopefully for a long time to come.

Brenda

What Have I Done For Me Lately?

2007-09-18T22:50:00Z

Most of us are familar with the saying "What have you done for me lately?" but how many of us have asked this question of the person looking back at us from the mirror. What have you done for "You" lately? Not your children or your spouse, not your inlaws or the neighbors..."you". Have you read a good book to yourself, taken yourself to the movies or a good dinner?

I once knew a woman who bought herself a beautiful bouquet of flowers every Saturday. At the time we were living in Germany and the flowers were always fresh and colorful in the spring and summer. She was married yet she bought herself flowers. After observing this behavior for about a year I finally asked her one day why she didn't ask her husband to buy her flowers since she liked them so much. To my amazement she replied, "Why would I wait for my husband to buy me something that I can buy for myself. I enjoy the flowers so much and feel I deserve them, so I treat myself instead of waiting for someone else to treat me."

Her answer while simple is profound. Why do we wait to use the good china? Buy a new outfit or nice perfume and never wear it except perhaps on the holidays. Why do we put off vacations and visits with family and time off from work to pursue our dreams and passions? I believe the answer is different for everyone...for some the reason is time, others money, still others health problems.

If presented with your own mortality what would you regret not having done the most? Would it be not taking that trip to Europe you always wanted to take or maybe learning to play the piano or write a book. Doing something for yourself can be as simple as taking time out to read a chapter out of a new book you have been wanting to read or maybe even buying the book in the first place!!!! It might be going back to church or calling up an old friend you have not spoken to in years. A facial, massage, extra long nap or buying a new outfit might also be a way to treat yourself.

So here is your homework....Right here ...right now...pick one thing that you can do TODAY...before you go to bed for YOU...just you...that will get you closer to the person you want to be. Feel free to email me with what that step was for you. I would love to hear about each step of your journey.

Brenda

Growing Through the Pain

2007-09-10T23:05:00Z

If anyone has ever broken a bone or had surgery then you are very familiar with the concept of pain. Physical pain is a concept that many of us have come to accept that we must live with on a daily basis. Those suffering from chronic debilitating illnesses such as fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome know all too well how difficult it is simply to get out of bed some days. There are myriads of pills, lotions and tonics for what ails us physically but few for what hurts or pains us emotionally.

We have all heard the old sayings "No Pain No Gain" or "Pain is Inevitable but Suffering is Optional" but how can we apply them when pain enters our home and life. What can we do and where can we turn for help when we are truly hurting inside and don't know what to do? Part of the problem lies in the fact that we as a society don't really know how to handle someone who is broken. Think for a moment about this.....You pull up to a stop light or a corner and you see the man/woman sitting there with their cardboard sign asking for money or work. Quickly you speed up/slow down, play with your radio, pretend to look elsewhere or talk on your cell phone all so you won't have to make eye contact. Sound familar....

It is almost as if we pretend that if we don't see it, don't acknowledge it ...then it simply doesn't exist and we can go on with our lives pretending there is no tragedy, hunger, sadness or pain...until it strikes us. We can pretend it is "someone else" who has the husband who beats them, or the child on drugs who has gone wild. When we hear stories of people killing their wives and then committing suicide as was just in the news we can pretend that it is an isolated incident so that we don't have to connect with the possibility that "real" pain might exist...

Until we first acknowledge that there is pain/sorrow/ grief and hurting all around us we will not be able to move forward to any sort of resolution either in our own lives or in the lives of those we care about. Addiction/Anger/Affairs/Child Abuse....None of these things exist in a vaccuum. They are born out of pain and they generate new pain. They will continue generation after generation if not looked at and dealt with.

I urge you to really look at your emotional status and health and get help with the areas of your life you may need assistance with. The pain doesn't have to last forever. You can go and grow through it.

Brenda

Need Answers

2007-09-05T19:26:00Z

Some of you have indicated that you prefer to use the internet and email system over the telephone. I have posted a link below to the URL for a link to an email payment method of asking help for a problem. You will receive a confidential personal response. One question or problem for $2.50. Hope to hear from you soon.

http://www.ingenio.com/Mail/Action.aspx?mailId=79784&cd=VEqGp0BUCNGHqg6ZhDSJ7w%3d%3d

Brenda

Indian Summer

2007-09-04T19:25:00Z

Indian Summer can be defined in either of the following ways:

A period of mild weather occurring in late autumn.

A pleasant, tranquil, or flourishing period occurring near the end of something

Most of us think of Indian Summers as being associated with weather such as in the first definition. I would like to focus today however on the second meaning of Indian Summer listed above.

It is easy to miss a period of tranquility if we refuse to get still. A pleasant fall breeze or chirping of birds on a clear day might be lost on us if we have not acquired the ability to get "still" with ourselves. We have all heard the old saying "Don't forget to stop and smell the roses" Well what does that mean anyway? And what if you are allergic to roses? How can we get back to a place where we flourish and are at peace when we find ourselves in the midst of a storm tossed life.

For a long time I confused flourishing with money and material goods. I thought that the more money I made and the more I was able to acquire the more I was "flourishing" so to speak. Who knew the whole time I was really drowning and didn't even realize it. I found it impossible to be tranquil or peaceful and forget being pleasant....Instead I felt out of control, hopeless and depressed although I was living the American Dream.

Days, Weeks, Months and Years would pass without me taking time to get "still" with myself for I knew if and when I did finally get still, I might not like what I found. As long as I stayed busy I didn't have to deal with anything or anyone, especially myself. An illusion is great as long as the illusionist has control over his/her illusion. When control is lost however so is the illusion. This can be true regardless of what your illusion is today. If it is not based in reality then the consequences can be very damaging when they come crashing down not unlike a house built without a foundation.

Perhaps your illusion is with regards to your marriage or relationship or maybe like me it has to deal with your financial situation. One of the first steps back to reality and true peace and tranquility is in being honest with yourself about your current situation and the mistakes you have made. We have ALL made mistakes so whoever says they haven't is either lying or "confused" Just kidding. Seriously though instead of spending all your energy beating yourself up for that affair which you thought was an "illusion of love" or bereating yourself for that bankruptcy you are now enduring because of your illusion of "wealth" STOP: BREATHE: and remember that often our greatest ministry comes out of our biggest mistakes and pain.

You can begin your Indian Summer right here, right now....all you have to do is get still, really still and listen to what the voice inside of you tells you...Be at peace, Learn to be tranquil if only for a minute each day, and decide to flourish where you are at this moment in your life...It won't come again.

Brenda

Intimate Relationships

2007-08-30T20:12:00Z

How much time have you spent lately on perhaps the most important intimate relationship that exists? The relationship you have with yourself. In our hustle and bustle fast paced life there are far too many things that demand our attention and far fewer hours in the day. I don't know about you but I have made the mistake of "putting myself on the back burner" and ignoring my relationship with myself. Trouble is I often got so busy tending to the needs of others that I forgot to get myself off the stove so to speak.

The problem with neglecting ourselves over time is that our emotional love banks can become depleted especially if we are in a profession, family or relationship that takes a lot out of us emotionally. If we are not careful about putting back into ourselves what we are giving out to others we can find ourselves drained, void of emotion and severely in need of an intimate relationship. More to come on this later

Brenda

Building a New Foundation

2007-08-28T16:56:00Z

Henry David Thoreau once said, "If you have built your castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."

Starting over is not as easy as it sounds. Just ask anyone who has done it. Rebuilding a life after a shattered divorce, loss of a job, bankruptcy, or severe medical illness can be more than just an uphill climb. It can be like scaling a mountain. For many the process can seem too overwhelming to even begin, for others starting is easy but staying encouraged is difficult.

There are many who would give advice but few who truly understand what it is like to have to begin again when their hopes and dreams have failed. Cliches are trite and advice becomes an unwelcome noise.

I think that sometimes our enthusiam for change depends on our willingness to take a chance on ourself and tomorrow by risking what we have today. Sometimes in order to rebuild your foundation all that is needed is the simply ability to "act". Put one foot in front of the other whether or not you see immediate benefits from the life changes you have made. At times we see obvious results from our efforts, while at other times in our life we may reach a plateau and feel stuck. None of your time will be wasted as long as you are actively moving forward.

After a certain number of disappointments it may even become too painful to continue to hope. This is when many shut their minds to their hearts and dreams and stop expecting to find happiness.

Don't let this happen for you.

Brenda

Seasons Of Change

2007-08-27T19:13:00Z

Summer is winding down and fall is just around the corner. As we begin to see the changes that accompany each season I cannot help but think how we as humans also seem to change in much the same manner. Have you ever noticed a tree when it's leaves are just beginning to get that hint of color but are still mostly green...it is as if the tree wants to stay green but knows he needs to "change" colors...eventually he does it in full force but at first the change might be gradual....seen perhaps by only the most observant.

Perhaps you are going through a season in your life where you are changing or are thinking about change and would like to know where you are in the life stages. Take a moment and look through the examples below and see if they ring true for you either now or in the past and remember....life is a constant...it continues on...it is an action...and is to be lived to it's fullest.

Stage 1 (Pre-Contemplation) Nothing Needs to Change - In this stage you might be telling yourself that everything is fine or that you have no problems you need to deal with even if they are beginning to affect your life in negative ways.

Stage 2 ( Contemplation) Thinking About Changing - In this stage you move from the viewpoint of you don't have a problem to thinking that maybe just maybe you "might" have a small problem or area that could use some improvement. A lot of time you still feel you have no problem however and display old actions despite negative consequences.

Stage 3 (Preparation) Getting Ready to Change - Now you have made the decision to change a behavior but perhaps are just not sure how to go about it. An example might be someone who has been abusive to their spouse in the past and wants to change that behavior but is not quite sure how. It can also be an information gathering stage on how to change.

Stage 4 ( Action) Now you are moving toward doing it...You are into actively changing. You are making changes in your behavior and your life and having success with reaching goals whether it is weight loss or days of sobriety.

Stage 5 (Maintenance) Last and perhaps hardest for some. Now you have made the changes and you want to keep them. You are committed to maintaining your new behaviors and do not want to slip into old behaviors or patterns of life.

I would love to hear any comments or questions on perhaps how this has worked for anyone personally in their life.

Brenda

Thought for the Day -- The Domino Effect

2007-08-24T18:54:00Z

If you stay in a secure place long enough it can eventually become a prison. What is one thing you could do today that could bring you closer to where you want to be mentally, physically, spiritually, financially or emotionally. Too overwhelming to think about it all at once...Pick one area and then jot down a simple thing you can do such as go to the bookstore and purchase a new book on dieting or take a walk around your neighborhood. You will be surprised how much that even one simple change can start a domino effect in your life.